so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
