Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
