I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
