you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
