so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
