So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
