Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
