I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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