Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
