Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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