Who wears a wallet chain?!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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