I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i think i have herpe
just one?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
