I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
