Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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