Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Randomize
