i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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