Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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