drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
