I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
