Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think i have two assholes
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
