see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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