i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
