I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
