Don't you send me to vm
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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