youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
