Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
