I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
