I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Couch. On fire.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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