we have pet lesbian snakes
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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