dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
