I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
