Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize