I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Boobs are out for the taking
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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