Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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