I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
