He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
