he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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