when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
