Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
