Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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