The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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