someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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