I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
