How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
