i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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