lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
