Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Duck Duck Cougar?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
