Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
