Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
