i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
