Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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