god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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