last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
