I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
