Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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