I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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