As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
