Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
two words: eviction party
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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