this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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