You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
