im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
