best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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