Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
