You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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