2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
