bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
