I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
