walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i think i just lost a toe
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
