I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
