God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
