If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Don't EVER smell your tampon
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
