I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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